Sure, NOW I figure it out! Less gooooo!!!
So I had ZERO time because we've been deep cleaning all day. And I am stressed almost to breaking point! Anxiety levels almost maxed out! I'm SO sorry! But good news is I made some progress for dejunking and am putting together boxes to send home. But I wanted to send you a quick email to tell you I am doing better, I am alive, and I am grateful to be a missionary. I love being a missionary in this mission, and at this time, and in this place. I am the happiest I've been so far, I think, as a missionary, because I am finally beginning to understand what it is really about.
I had a neat experience in the Book of Mormon this week, (I just finished 2 Nephi!) that really struck home with me and I gained a lot of insight as to my service as a missionary.
2 Nephi 31. A favorite by many, it it hit me a little differently this time. I prayed beforehand to receive revelation as to what I need to do to change and develop into a consecrated missionary, and most importantly, how I can do what God sent me to this area to do, and how I can know that I am successful and acting in such a way that the Lord would want me to as His called representative.
To read you what my notes were from this chapter, I said: "As a missionary, I am striving to represent Jesus Christ. Christ Himself witnessed to the Father through His actions and keeping the commandments that He was not only willing, but determined me sincere, not holding anything back, (including ANY desire, weakness, sin, etc.) in order to keep ALL of the commandments of the Father. This, Christ, who did keep ALL of the commandments with full purpose of heart, might, mind, and strength, could not be prevented from receiving the power of God. Due to His unfailing nature and perfect, SINCERE obedience, God could not withhold any blessing from Him. Likewise, in
order for me to fully qualify myself for, obtain, and use God's enabling power, I must:
(See 2 Nephi 31:10,13) Come before God, in humility, with no deception, but with full purpose of heart, repent of all of my sins, and show through my obedience that I am willing to keep ALL of God's commandments and requirements, as the Savior did, as I am called to represent Him as a missionary."
And then forward to verses 18-20, once I have done this and have improved to the point of repenting, praying, and receiving strength... don't just stop there! Try, do your best, seek to find those who are prepared. Continue to strive to be better. Use that power in which God has given you!
"For ye have not come thus far save it were by the word of Christ, with unshaken faith in Him, relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save. Wherefore, he MUST press forward with a STEADFASTNESS in Christ....."
Then verse 21: "And now, behold, my beloved brethren, this is the way; and there is none other way nor name given under heaven whereby man can be saved in the kingdom of God..."
He is the way. There is no other way. We must do as he did and witness through our faith and our works, holding NOTHING back, that we are willing to keep ALL of the commandments of the Father.
This was truly meaningful to me. It reminded me that if I wanted God to help me without restraint, then I cannot hold back any part of my heart from him. No desire to not be 100% obedient to every rule, no little weakness, no little grudge or ill feeling, nothing. I have to give it all to him, because Christ himself had to do that to receive
the power to do what He did. So I must do the same. So that is my quest!
Well, that's all I have time for, I am still getting over my sickness, the doctor said it might be another two weeks or so before I'm rid of all of the junk in my system, but hey, I am up and going and nothing is going to slow this girl down. I only have a little more than a transfer left as a missionary, and I ain't got no time to lose being sick. So I am kickin this thing, and off we go to work some miracles. We finally got to go out and do some things the second half of the week, and so we are getting better. I got to go to church on Sunday and it was the best. So many people came up to me and asked if I was doing better, commented on how I looked so much better and happier and ALIVE, and it just showed me how much God loved me, and that even the people who barely met me a month ago love and care about me. The Ward Council welcomed me back with warm smiles and welcoming words. :)
Well, I hope you all have a wonderful week, enjoy Taylor's wedding! I got the invite and am so happy for him!!! What a stunning invitation. Holy cow. And her little girl is so sweet, it's so awesome to see their little family coming together :)
Love you all! Tell the relatives I say hello and love and miss them!
Good luck Megan!!! You'll do great! Welcome home, Ely!!!