Ladies and Gentlemen, it's another week! And President calculated and didn't hesitate to tell me that I only have X amount of weeks left! (Thanks, President). Haha, just kidding. I had interviews last week, (now we do them every transfer) and we discussed how I want to spend these next... x amount... of weeks! I felt pumped and confident that the Lord and I would work wonders together. I have felt of God's love and strength as I have been striving to improve as a missionary, a disciple of Christ, and as an official representative of the Church. I feel like I have never been truly happier than I am now to be a missionary! I finally feel like I'm beginning to understand what I can do with the Lord's help, and despite circumstances of the day, I can end the day still being happy. I finally feel more confident that the Lord can and will work through me in the work of salvation. I feel stronger, like I can take charge of my life and change for the better! I feel like I finally understand the scripture about us being agents unto ourselves, choosing to act rather than objects to be acted upon.
And then as soon as I was geared up and pumped and doing great,.... Satan, that Scumbag, brought out his big guns.
So for the past several weeks, I haven't been feeling too great, and have had lots of congestion and stuff. Well, I never really got over that. I figured that after I had gotten the common (and miserable) cold in my last area that it was just allergies from then on. Well, as of a couple of weeks ago, it got a little worse. More coughing, more congestion. Then nearing the end of last week, Wednesday-Friday, it got BAD. I mean BAD. Thursday we were on exchanges and I tried my very best to be diligent and go out and work, and I pushed through, though I was miserable. I felt awful. But then we got to a blank spot during the day (we had already tried a few different people) and we needed to know where to go. I had no ideas. So I prayed and prayed to know where to go, and as I still don't know the area very well, figuring out who to see was somewhat difficult. But I prayed and said that we would go wherever He led us, but to please help me know where to go. Usually when I pray, my mind has a hard time slowing down and always has hundreds of different thoughts going on. But unlike the usual, my mind was completely empty. Not a single thought. And a clear impression came to my mind that said "Sister Inman, you have done all that you can do right now. You need to turn around, and go back home to rest." What? Since when does that ever happen? Well.... seeing as my mind was completely blank other than that one thought, and then soon after came the second thought, which was, "you will not be doing anyone a favor by getting them sick. Go home, and rest.", I went home.
I waited to see if anything else came, but the same impression came, reassuring me that it's what I needed to do. That started the long weekend of bitter sickness.
And then as soon as I was geared up and pumped and doing great,.... Satan, that Scumbag, brought out his big guns.
So for the past several weeks, I haven't been feeling too great, and have had lots of congestion and stuff. Well, I never really got over that. I figured that after I had gotten the common (and miserable) cold in my last area that it was just allergies from then on. Well, as of a couple of weeks ago, it got a little worse. More coughing, more congestion. Then nearing the end of last week, Wednesday-Friday, it got BAD. I mean BAD. Thursday we were on exchanges and I tried my very best to be diligent and go out and work, and I pushed through, though I was miserable. I felt awful. But then we got to a blank spot during the day (we had already tried a few different people) and we needed to know where to go. I had no ideas. So I prayed and prayed to know where to go, and as I still don't know the area very well, figuring out who to see was somewhat difficult. But I prayed and said that we would go wherever He led us, but to please help me know where to go. Usually when I pray, my mind has a hard time slowing down and always has hundreds of different thoughts going on. But unlike the usual, my mind was completely empty. Not a single thought. And a clear impression came to my mind that said "Sister Inman, you have done all that you can do right now. You need to turn around, and go back home to rest." What? Since when does that ever happen? Well.... seeing as my mind was completely blank other than that one thought, and then soon after came the second thought, which was, "you will not be doing anyone a favor by getting them sick. Go home, and rest.", I went home.
I waited to see if anything else came, but the same impression came, reassuring me that it's what I needed to do. That started the long weekend of bitter sickness.
Every day I got worse, and I got a new symptom daily.
So Friday morning, Bro. Bailey and Bro. Merrill gave me a healing blessing-- It was a beautiful and unique blessing. Something it said was: "it is hard to be sick and unable to work as a missionary, and have to rest and take care of yourself. But the Lord wants you to know that it is okay. During this healing process, though you will not be able to work, and are cooped up at home most of the time, you will be able to experience spiritual growth."
Well, if any of you have ever been sick before, (haha), then you'll know that it's often difficult to feel the Spirit, or feel joy, or peace, especially when it is so miserable to be sick! Well, I can testify that during this time where I have been more sick than I have my entire mission (and probably one of the worst of the times I've been sick that I can remember), that I have had the most incredible spiritual experiences and feelings of joy, humility, GRATITUDE, patience, perseverance, and feeling the love of my God than any other time in my life. For these past 4 days or so when I have been quarantined and unable to work (or really do anything for that matter), I have experienced an incredible strengthening of my spirit testimony, and conversion.
I have been shown SO much love and selfless service by so many people this week, and I think God allowed me to be to be in a condition where I could not do much for myself, but had to rely on others, in order to open my eyes to how many people love and care about me, that I don't even realize, and to allow me to be aware of the countless blessings He has been pouring out upon me these past few days, that I might have taken for granted otherwise. And I am so grateful that God loved me enough to put me through this awful sickness (which was still extremely miserable, don't get me wrong), in order to allow me to experience and develop these necessary attributes. My companion has done nothing but serve me and do all she can to help me feel better, happier, or more comfortable, and many others have sacrificed so much for me.
Saturday evening, we did splits and I stayed at an elderly lady's home, while Sister Freeman went to a lesson. The lady's name was Sister Tilton, and she is the spunkiest old lady I've ever met. Everything was at it's worst that night. Shaky, weak, blazing fever, (like my whole body felt steaming hot), terrible cough, no energy at all.
But during my short stay at Sister Tilton's home, after she had brought me some soup and anything else that I might need, she allowed me to pray on my own. I was totally overwhelmed by how much she had sacrificed for me, even something as simple as some soup, tissues, quotes from President Hinkley, and the simple words of comfort and cheer she brought in each time she came in to check on me. As I sat there and just pondered and tried to soak everything up, I was overcome with emotion and just cried and cried. I started to pray to simply bless the food, but my mind reflected on so many other things that people had done for me even just the past few days, and was filled with gratitude like I had never felt before. After awhile, Sister Tilton came in to ask if I was okay, and what was the matter. I told her I was okay, and that so many people have done so much for me. She paused a moment, and then said, "You're worth it, sweetie." And the love I felt kept flowing throughout the day.
One of my former companions shared with me a motto or quote that she loved, which goes like this: "Sometimes we need to hit rock bottom, so that we can know that He IS the rock at the bottom."
Sunday was a blessed day. We prayed the night before that we would be able to keep the Sabbath Day Holy and still receive the renewal and remission of sins, and joy of the Sabbath, even though we would be unable to go to church. I was unable to go to church, as a missionary! Kind of ironic, huh? Well Sister Freeman, my companion, is an angel, and worked it out so that I could have the sacrament brought to me at home. We did temporary splits with the Pomerene Sisters so my companion could at least go to the sacrament part of the meeting, but then after the end of church, an advisor and two young men came to deliver the sacrament just to me. Let me tell you, that was probably the most special, spirit-filled moment that I partook of the sacrament. I better understood just how personal and individual the Atonement of Christ really is, as they placed one small piece of bread on the tray, blessed it, and passed it to me, and did the same with a singular cup of water- blessed it, and passed it to me. I was already crying by that point. It is a truly humbling experience that I have never had before. It reminded me just how aware my Heavenly Father is of me, and also of how much love these people in this area have for me, to make sure that I individually was able to partake of this sacred ordinance. Jesus Christ went through all of the pains and sufferings that He did, and was scourged, killed, and he rose again, so that I, Sister Torie Inman, might partake of the blessings of eternal life, forgiveness of sin, and the strength to endure any trial. What a precious, sweet feeling that was for me. Although it was just a couple of young men, I felt as though the Savior Himself was offering me those emblems of His body and blood that was shed and spilt for me. What a wonderful experience to be a part of, and also for those boys to have. :)
Sister Freeman later told me that when she had tried to finagle a way for me to have the sacrament, that several different people wanted to do it for me, and that the other Ward was sad that they didn't know I was so sick, and that they would have done the same.
A few more acts of love and service and sacrifice given to me that I want to acknowledge:
-Pomerene sisters sacrificing time in their area to split with us and help Sis Freeman to continue to work in our area.
-Sis Merrill doing Walmart runs to pick up necessities and my meds
-Less active family who had us for dinner brought us dinner instead and it was AMAZING.
-Sis Freeman keeps making me these luxurious meals, breakfast in bed !
-Brother and Sister Jones, these members in our Ward, drove us all the way to Tucson and back, in order for me to go to Urgent Care, got us breakfast, waited for me at urgent care, and sacrificed so much for me.
God knows what we need. And it is often through our trials that we learn to trust in his plan the most. He always provides a way to help us grow into the people he wants us to become, if we let him.
I have finally come to understand what president Uchtdorf meant when he encouraged us to be "grateful in any circumstance".
I know my Savior lives. I know He and our Father in Heaven have an unconditional, never ending, ever abiding love for us that we cannot comprehend. When we trust him and accept his will. He can bless us with the strength to overcome all things. And I say this in the name of Him who gave us the greatest gift that any of God's children could ever provide for us, even Jesus Christ, amen.
I hope you have a blessed week, and remember to count your blessings, name them one by one, and show gratitude for EVERYTHING! I am grateful for all of you, my family and friends.
Love and miss you!
Sister Inman
Tombstone part 1
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